i know it's been a
long ass time while. to be completely honest, I have been going through a bit of a funk that refuses to let up. i also doubt my writing a lot. i have been trying to be more vulnerable and open about my current struggles in adulting so here we go...
it's been a lot.
i'm coming up on 2 years post graduation and i'm no where near where i envisioned myself. i remember senior year and being so ready to graduate and the fancy job and security i imagined for myself. mind you i had a very vague idea of what i wanted to do but nonetheless the plan was to hit the ground running and don't stop until i reach all these goals. reality didn't agree and to be honest looking back, i am grateful about that (some of it). i honestly can say that i had no idea what career i would like until a year ago. so while the freelancing is very annoying especially for someone like me who needs to have some sort of security ALWAYS, i am grateful about my experiences so far. am i beyond frustrated with not knowing what comes next? the answer is a quick yes.
the hardest part about not being where you envisioned for yourself is when family members start to ask questions. while it is always well-intentioned, nobody can make you feel shittier (especially when you're already down) about a very shitty situation like family. there's the questioning, the reoccurring 'suggestion' that maybe you're doing something wrong and my personal favorite, the shady comments. everyday i struggle with remaining positive (you can only be so positive when you get rejection letters from a job posting you filled out months ago) and putting out good energy and its all so exhausting.
anyway this past weekend, I went away to the Poconos for one of my really good friend's birthday. a lot of chilling, laughter and much needed space from everything. although my allergies made a quick appearance towards the end of the trip, I desperately needed the change in scenery. i left the weekend feeling energized and slightly optimistic about all the changes, good and not so good, that comes my way.
here's to changes, the good and the not so good